I have just had a really weird realization...
I have known about and wanted to do JET since I was eleven years old. That was over twelve years ago now... When I was eleven, I knew I wanted to teach and I knew I was interested in Japan. When I was eleven, I never expected to get married or find a place that I felt I belonged.
I actually owe this entire idea to the fine folks over at ITIL. They were awfully mean to me, but I understand why. I know that I am kind of a freak. I am the girl that has been bullied for most of my life. I needed books, comics, stories, anything where there was a hero. I couldn't get by without it. And Japan worked well in that because Japan gave birth to so many great heroes and stories in manga and anime. I know that I have an unrealistic view of Japan because I can't experience it where I am from. When I went to Japan, it was beautiful and I really did enjoy meeting the few people I encountered... But, if I went to Japan, I would probably stick out even more as a freak. We don't want to send unbalanced people to represent us and it is definitely a no-no to hire someone who can't handle it. I don't think that I'm unbalanced or so unrealistic as to expect that Japan in real life would be a manga. I am not that crazy.
But, as I read more about other people's experiences and examine my life as it is now, I am realizing that maybe JET is no longer the dream it used to be... I have a husband, something I never expected. I am moving into my first apartment this weekend. I found a family that it seems I was made to be a part of. I found the place that doesn't seem to think I'm a freak. I have a cute little sister-in-law who tries to play dating sims with me. I have a real friends that I don't think I ever expected to have. I have a family that has given me the community I never had in school. I still read tons of manga and tons of fantasy novels... But, maybe I don't need to run away after some dream anymore...
I want to settle down. I want to save money for a house. I want to finish getting my teaching certification. I want to find a steady job. I want kids. I want a life. I don't want to pick up and leave for a year just because I have no place here... So... Do I still really want to do JET? Is JET the dream it used to be? I am really looking at my reasons... Why JET? Why don't I just have the life that I want and save money so that I can go and see Japan through vacations or other experiences? It's strange to look at something you wanted for twelve years and suddenly realize that, maybe, it isn't what you want most anymore...
I have a feeling that I will have to keep looking at this for a long while... I owe the people at ITIL a huge thanks. For all their harsh comments, they ended up opening my eyes and making me really examine and appreciate the place that I am at now.
These are all important things to think about, and every now and then I wonder if JET is what I really want/need anymore too. I sometimes think I'm only re-applying because I got rejected last time, in order to prove myself or soemthing. People can claim all they want that JET's just a job like any other, but it will change your life as you know it if you get in - which is especially significant if you're just starting to get settled where you are.
ReplyDeleteThere's still months left to decide, though, so see how your situation/feelings change till then :) Let us know how it goes, and sorry for the long reply!
Yeah, this is entirely the issue. It's something that I wanted for so long and I applied once and want to apply again, but at least a part of me feels that I might just be clinging to something I don't want anymore.
ReplyDeleteI am taking my TESL course in a week, maybe that'll give me more direction. Otherwise, I'm thinking about it and working it out in my head.